She’s a Flirt!

He did not formally court me. He did not even say “I love you” to me since we became a couple. But my “boyfriend” assures me that he does whenever I ask him if he loves me. But I am not quite sure he does.

I cannot help but be suspicious about the care packages that he receives from his former lover who lives abroad with her husband. I don’t understand why she sends him dollars and even makes him an e-mail address.

One time, that former lover comes home. She begins asking for his time, help, and presence instead of his relatives’. He, in turn, complies to all her requests and demands without hesitation and delay. They meet for “business transactions,” but I have doubts about the meetings. She gives him dollars in exchange for his time and company.

Several times, I have read her text messages to him―thanking him for his help. I send her hurting messages, unable to contain my disgust with her. So starts our verbal tussle.

My questions: Why are there wives who flirt with other wives’ husbands? Why are there insensitive men who exchange their morals for money? Why do some marriages end in separation? Aren’t there seminars that explain the rights and limitations of married couples?

I’m boiling mad at the conduct of this balikbayan wife. She either behaves or be killed to lessen her kind who flirt with someone else’s boyfriend or husband.

My dear, your heart is indeed full of hate. This is not good for your mental and emotional health. Unload your hate to a trusted friend, family, church pastor, or guidance counselor (if you’re still a student). Should you be unable to control your emotions there would just be regrets.

“Thou shalt not kill,” says the sixth commandment. It’s morally wrong. Never, ever kill a person even if you hate her to the bones. You will be the ultimate loser!

Because you and your boyfriend are not officially going steady, overzealously guarding his actions might turn him off. And because you and I can only assume about the other girl’s real reason for enlisting your boyfriend’s help and the dollars she gives him, we cannot make conclusions. Whatever the motives of both, let’s leave them at that.

The former lover is not solely to be blamed. The meetings, the text messages, the phone calls pushed through because your boyfriend allowed them to.

I’m sad to know that you sent the girl hurting text messages. You expose yourself to hate messages as well.
Here are my answers to your questions:

1. Some wives flirt probably because they get less attention or appreciation from their husband. Flirting momentarily gives a woman a fun time because of the pleasure she gets from a male response. Besides, unlike direct fornication where a legal issue hovers, flirting, despite a male response, gets no instant commitment. But whoever flirts is standing on a slippery slope, and there is no other way but downward once the flirting continues.

2. Men who exchange their moral for money is not worth any woman’s time.
 

3. Some people are insensitive because they only think about themselves.
 

4. Some marriage end in separation for a lot of reasons. Let me share three: early marriage, unreconcilable differences, and leaving God out of the marriage relationship.
 

5. Marriage seminars and professional helps are available. You can search the Internet, read newspapers, listen to the radio, or watch TV for the schedules. But what is important is for the couples to attend the seminar together.
 

6. Stopping your boyfriend and his other woman from seeing or communicating with each other is beyond your control. But controlling your anger and your sanity is your choice.

Does your boyfriend know what is transpiring between you and that woman? If he remains insensitive to your feelings, it can be because he believes he is a Good Samaritan. Or, he simply doesn’t care for you as much as he cares for his other woman.
Talk to God about your emotional problem. He will help you keep things in the right perspective. King David gives this beautiful text: “God’s business is putting things right; he loves getting the lines straight, setting us straight. Once we're standing tall, we can look him straight in the eye” (Psalm 11:7, The Message).

God will make you complete even when some pieces of your life are missing. Just trust Him.

 

Read more articles on March-April 2009 issue of Health&Home